Attachment-Necessary for Survival (Part 3)
The underlying belief is that ALL parents care for their offspring and are trying to do the best they can with the knowledge and experience they have been given. This statement, as bold as it is, can stir up feelings in folks who may have not had the best relationship with their parents.
As Dr. Bruce Perry discussed in his book The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog (2007), a caregiver is only give to their infant what they were given in their own infancy. Translation being if you were held, rocked, cuddled and had all physical needs met as they arose then you will be able to provide the same care to your infant. However, if those things were not given to you in your infancy then being able to provide the nurturing an infant requires will need to be taught and learned. To change your natural parenting style (the one we call ‘instinctual’ but was truly set in place by your parents) is incredibly hard. Not impossible, just hard. Trusting a therapist in the journey may prove beneficial, or finding a loving supportive older person may give support and nurturance as well.
Thankfully, infants are malleable. They will mold and be flexible to your parenting style!
Meaning, they are also resilient to parents and their experiments during the changing of parenting styles.
A child who may fall into an Avoidant or Ambivalent attachment category are also resilient. Humans are constantly growing and changing which also allows for the attachment style to change. An avoidant or ambivalent baby could become a secure adult if routine, structure, and a reliable, loving adult is present.
Now that the disclosure is over here ‘s what you really came here for…Avoidant Attachment. Infants who fall into the avoidant attachment category are ones who typically do not use their caregiver for proximity seeking while exploring the world. In some cases these babies appear too independent and may even fully avoid their parents seeking to meet their own needs. They might prepare their own meals or put themselves to sleep without help. These infants may how little to no preference for their parents over strangers. In the Strange Situation, avoidant infants demonstrated an indifference towards their caregiver’s departure and return.Remember, this is a description of a 1 year old!
Keep in mind that attachment is formed over thousands of interactions between the caregiver and infant. Over the first three years of life, children will continue to try at the relationship when they continue to find a non-responsive adult that is when a non-secure attachment style begins to form.
